


Cause You Know and You Know That You Know

by mostlyharmless



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Consensual Kink, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Golden shower, Intimacy, M/M, Pee, Piss Fetish, Piss Play, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Urination, Urolagnia, Watersports, consensual degradation, ok im going to put in every tag i can think of so its REALLY CLEAR and nobody has any surprises here, pee drinking, piss drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 06:22:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6943399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyharmless/pseuds/mostlyharmless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake is an adventurous man, and he loves it very much when his boyfriend Dirk is willing to try new things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cause You Know and You Know That You Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VoodooRadio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoodooRadio/gifts).



> For my darlin Mina! This is a congratulations present for reading all the Homestuck! All of it!!!!!!!! I made it my personal challenge to fit your prompt as closely as possible, which is why it is so late, I'm sorry. I hope it comes at a good time, and that the wait was worth it!! :)
> 
> PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT MINA: READ THE TAGS FIRST.

"Get off for a second, I gotta take a piss."

Jake knows that flat on his back in their bed getting lazy post-orgasmic kisses is one of Dirk's very favourite places to be, so there must be quite the crisis mounting in his bladder for him to bother bringing it up. Jake's brain is a little too foggy for that to register properly, though.

He presses his teeth into the meat of Dirk's shoulder, and punctuates it with a wet brush of tongue. 

Dirk shudders and bats at his back. "Come on, dude, I'm not kidding."

Jake just hums. He floats, lazy and content and warm everywhere Dirk's skin is pressed into his.

"Jake," Dirk bites out, the tail end of the word going squeaky as Jake runs a hand down his side and pushes it underneath him to rub his lower back. "Seriously, I am three seconds away from draining the radiator all over you." 

"That would be so hot," Jake says, sleepily.

"Uh," says Dirk, at about the same time Jake's brain catches up to his own mouth. Whoops. He hadn't meant to let that one out of the bag.

He rolls off, feeling a lot more awake all of a sudden. "I mean—"

"I, um," says Dirk. "I just gotta, uh." 

Then he dashes out of the room. Jake has barely had time to twitch before Dirk comes dashing back in.

"Okay, I know how that sounded, but I swear I'm not running off cause I'm weirded out or anything, I promise we can talk about it in a minute, I just really do need to—"

"You are ridiculous," interrupts Jake, smiling at the sight of Dirk trying keep a poker face when he's shifting ever so slightly from foot to foot in the nuddy. "Just go."

When Dirk is out of the room, he presses his hot face into his knees. _No more bottling things up, no more festering._ That's what they'd decided. It hasn't been easy, but it's been bulletproof so far—Dirk thinks before he speaks, and Jake speaks before he clams up. It hasn't yet been relevant to, well, dancing the blanket hornpipe, but that is probably not a bad idea. 

The sound of Dirk's light footsteps in the hall has Jake pulling his face up and schooling it. Time to prove your mettle, Jake English!

"Okay," says Dirk, walking back in through the door and sitting next to him against the wall, pulling the sheet over his lap. "Do we need to talk? Cause it felt like a conversation was about to happen there."

Jake studies his own thumbnail very carefully. "Um, well."

"Tell me if I'm being a pushy asshole here."

"No, uh. No, you're not. I just…?" He laughs, and it comes out a little high pitched.

Dirk gestures at the giant poster of an elaborately restrained equine enthusiast taped to the back of the door. "You really don't have to be shy."

A grin spreads across Jake's face—that actually does make him feel better. 

"Well then! I… I guess I've entertained the notion of… pee stuff." 

"Pee stuff." Dirk sounds neutral, but he hasn't put his shades back on yet, and his face is soft and open. "What sort of stuff do you mean? Omorashi?"

"I have no idea what that is." Does Dirk look a little disappointed? "What I mean is like, um. Getting, peed on? Maybe, uh, gee." 

"All right, cool," says Dirk. "Hang on, I think this conversation would be augmented by the addition of some cuddles up in here." Jake nods a little jerkily and lets Dirk manhandle him into being the little spoon. 

After a while, Dirk says, "Where would you want the piss?"

"What?"

"Like, when you're 'entertaining these notions', where do you imagine getting 'peed on'? Like, on your dick? On your face? In your ass?"

"Holy toledo! Does it matter?" Jake is so glad Dirk's positioned them so Dirk can't see his burning face.

"Well, hypothetically, it could. There are a lot of factors behind what part of something is arousing to a particular person and why. I want to know the angle we're going with this."

"...You actually want to do it?"

"If you do, then I am one hundred percent down with making it happen."

Jake feels himself squirm a little. Oh, wow. 

"I don't know. I obviously haven't done it before. I haven't really thought about it?" He shifts, and feels Dirk's arm slide around his waist, solid. "Well, I mean, not about why. I've definitely thought about… it. Like… getting it… on my face." 

"Huh."

"I have a perfect view of Horse Boner Fellow from this angle, just reminding you."

"Heh. No, that was a good 'huh'. I mean, I have to think about this. Do some research. It wasn't exactly on my bucket list, but it's definitely something that sounds like it'll be worth exploring, seeing as just talking about this gave you a boner."

Frig. He'd noticed.

"Well, uh, you don't have to make a big thing out of it. We can just…"

"Go with the flow?"

"Ye—NO!! STRIDER!!!"

Dirk starts laughing, and Jake thrashes around and heaves until Dirk falls on his naked ass onto the floor.

*

"You wanna kneel on this?" 

Jake looks over through the glass wall of the shower and sees Dirk crouching by the cupboard under the sink, holding up an old towel. He frowns. 

"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of doing this in the shower? It'll get all gross."

"We can bleach it. Or burn it. I'm just worried about your knees, bro."

"O-okay…" 

Dirk comes over to lean on the open shower door, and hands the towel over. Jake's bare knees peel up off the tiles, and yes, they do have little criss-crosses on them already. This is a good idea. 

When he's comfortable, he turns to find Dirk contemplating him through his shades.

Jake feels his face start to get hot, and his armpits prickle. Somehow—despite over a week of finding weird tabs open on the desktop and a whole morning of being hyperaware of how much diet Fanta Dirk was consuming and, you know, a minute ago stripping down and kneeling naked in the bottom of the shower—it's only just now hitting him that this is going to happen.

"Well, don't just stare," he grouses. 

"All right," Dirk says easily. He steps into the shower, still fully clothed. "Do you want me naked too?"

"Mm, not yet." Jake wets his dry lips and reaches for Dirk's hips. "Just…"

"I think I know what you want," says Dirk, and he crouches down, shins bumping Jake's knees apart a little further. Dirk's hands on his waist are cold, but Jake's gasp is muffled by the lips pressed to his. 

The tightness in Jake's chest is forgotten as his tongue is sucked into Dirk's mouth. It's sweet. Jake thinks about the diet soda and his dick throbs a little. 

Jake sucks a wet kiss into Dirk's bottom lip, and then groans in disappointment as Dirk pulls away. 

"Sorry bro, but we have to cut this short or else I'm gonna have a little difficulty wrangling the monster for the next step in today's programme." 

"Just from a little kissing, Strider? Mayhap you're losing your famed edge?"

"We both know foreplay started several hours ago," Dirk replies, unbending from his crouch. Jake's heart starts hammering in earnest, and it only seems to get worse when Dirk's fingers rest on his fly. "I mean, look at you." 

" _Dirk_ ," Jake begins, but his mind is fuzzy and he has no idea what he had meant to say next. Dirk doesn't prod or tease, though, not like he might have once upon a time. He just undoes his fly, and wow, Jake can feel the sound in his teeth. He gets a flash of the bulge in Dirk's orange boxer briefs through the gap, and then Dirk's hand is in the way—adjusting himself. 

Dirk is apparently saying something. "—Should I take off my clothes now?" 

"Oh, yes, please," Jake manages, and watches Dirk strip quickly and efficiently. Kind of transfixed by the thick heaviness Dirk's dick has already reached, he yelps in surprise when Dirk plucks his glasses off his face. 

Folding both their eyewear pieces into his shirt, Dirk quirks a brow at Jake before tossing the bundle gently outside the shower, then leaning over to close the door. "Did you forget you were wearing them?"

"Well, there are rather more rousing things to be thinking about," Jake says, blinking to refocus. It's lucky that the shower cubicle is so small; Dirk is so close that he's not all that fuzzy.

"Rousing, huh," says Dirk, turning his body back towards Jake, and holy moly, _that_ certainly is at eye-level now. "Ah, wait, don't… I wasn't kidding about the foreplay thing." 

Jake lowers his hand, then puts both palms on Dirk's thighs instead with a chuckle. Now that they're on a more equal playing field, his nerves are melting away, and in their absence is bright anticipation. "Sorry! Couldn't quite help myself. So, are we ready to get a-rumblin'?" He looks Dirk in the eye as he says it, petting the fine blond fuzz on his thighs a little.

Dirk smirks and straightens his shoulders. "Anything for you," he says, and he grips the base of his cock. Jake's eyes are riveted to that spot, his pulse pounding hard in his throat, mouth dry.

A hot spurt of piss hits Jake square on the chest. 

"Oh," Jake gasps, and it cuts out, and then, "ohh", as it hits him again, and then he makes an embarrassingly high sound as the stream drills down his body and right into his groin.

He lets go of Dirk's thighs to grab his own slippery hard cock with both hands, and oh, he feels so dirty and wild, rubbing Dirk's piss into himself with frantic pulls. 

The stream cuts out again. "Is this okay?" says Dirk. His voice is tight. "Uh, it looks like it's okay, but can I get verbal—"

"She's all aces," Jake gasps. He can feel it trickling sticky down his chest and stomach, smell it heavy in the close space, thighs and groin tight and aching. His mouth floods suddenly and, oh god. If he hadn't been sure before, well. "Come on, is that all you've got?"

"No, I can keep going—" 

"Please," Jake says. He squeezes his balls with one hand, shivering at the way his wet skin drags and catches, and reaches up with the other to grab Dirk's dick. It's still slightly thick with arousal—Jake can't process much more than that. 

The hiss his fingers draw out of Dirk makes Jake _ache_ , and the wild feeling zings down his spine. He kisses the head of Dirk's cock, and then Dirk makes a tight sound and hot piss is spilling over his lips and chin. It cuts off nearly as soon as it started, and Jake nearly groans in frustration. He opens his mouth and sucks Dirk's length inside, and now he can taste it for real, soda-sweet and body salt and something sharp that lingers on the back of his tongue, makes him blush and squeeze his free hand between his legs. 

"I'm gonna have to let go," Dirk says, breathless, and Jake tries to pack as much encouragement as he can into the look he shoots him. He wants this, so bad—he closes his eyes—ignores the bright tiles, the thoughtful towel under his knees—he's somewhere dark, a cave, a tomb, the smell of dirt and rotting leaves, sweat and blood, adrenaline singing through his body. He's a mess, he's a wreck, he's alive—his partner swears and then piss is filling his mouth.

The sudden spill is a shock, pooling under his tongue and spurting hot from the corners of his lips. He draws back and coughs, but his hand stays steady and it keeps pouring over his open mouth, so he leans back in and—yeah, he can do it. He fits his lips back over Dirk's dick and swallows it all right down.

It's burning and strange in his throat, and his working tongue slides Dirk's barely-plump dick so easily through the wet mess of his mouth. There's a sudden tug in his hair on both sides of his head and Dirk lets out a long, loud breath that goes straight to Jake's dick as the stream peters out.

Dirk all but whimpers as Jake lets his dick slide back out of his mouth, wet and shiny. Jake feels sticky all down his front. His mouth feels musty and hot and his stomach is churning and he leans his cheek against Dirk's wet, mostly soft cock as he jacks himself furiously, the piss between his legs already going tacky. His arousal is so sharp and tight it hurts, and he sobs wetly as he finally, finally pushes himself over the edge into a burning, shaking orgasm.

The hands in his hair slide down to pet the hair at his nape as he gasps and clenches and paints his hand with more sticky mess. "There you go, you're all right," Dirk is murmuring, for all the world as though casual intimacy comes easy to him, and in his wrung-out, euphoric haze Jake is overwhelmed with affection.

He wants to make Dirk feel as good as he feels.

The hands at his nape tighten as Jake licks Dirk's cock again, and keeps licking and sucking until all that salty-sweetness is mixed into Jake's own mouth again, until his dick is thickening up again under Jake's tongue. 

"Are you okay? You don't have to—"

"I'm fine, and I want to," says Jake, pulling back to give Dirk his best rakish grin. Dirk only bites his lip and relaxes his hands. The glow in Jake's chest spreads.

"Are _you_ okay?" he asks, suddenly conscious of how thick his voice sounds.

"Yeah, I… that was pretty intense."

He is so gross all over that he forgets about the mess on his hand until Dirk's thigh is flinching under his touch, but Dirk can deal with it, Jake decides. He feels gooey and disgusting and happy.

"Intense in a good way?" Dirk's cock hardens in little jumps as Jake sucks drooling kisses along it between words, until it's hard and wet enough that he can jack it properly with his cleaner hand. 

"Ah… mmm… yeah. You're really sexy, Jake." It sounds like he's half out of his head, which puts a little thrill through Jake. They have been easing back into that, feeling out together the edges of what makes Jake feel uncomfortable. But sometimes he doesn't want Dirk analysing every dad-sizzling word, he doesn't want to be treated like something precious and soft, sometimes he just wants…

He wants to be on his knees getting completely filthy.

And, it hits him all over again: Dirk will give him that too. The intimate taste of Dirk's piss still clings to his teeth.

Dirk is a contradictory tangle of super-needy and super-independent, and he's been working on a balance between taking responsibility for his own emotional well-being instead of hanging it on Jake and trusting Jake enough to ask and accept his help and advice, as well as what Jake himself says he wants and needs. For his part, Jake has had to learn that he generally isn't very good at figuring out his own feelings until things are past the point of no return, and he's still working on getting in tune with himself. 

This feels like a victory, on all those fronts and more. 

Dang, he loves this dude. 

"I'm so glad," he says, giving Dirk an especially firm pump. "Let me take care of you, now." He can see Dirk's groin muscles tensing, his cock now fully hard and leaking a little. 

"Yeah…" Dirk breathes.

Jake slides his mouth down tight over the head, and his lips have barely met his fist before Dirk is making a rusty, choked groan and spilling come across Jake's tongue. 

"Oh, oh, oh…" Dirk says, emptying himself into Jake's mouth for the second time this afternoon, and Jake's spent body still manages to throb at the reminder.

Once Jake manages to stagger up off his stiff knees, he leans against Dirk, who kicks the gross towel into a corner and points the detachable shower head at the floor, rinsing everything down as they wait for the spray to warm up. He feels completely wiped and noodly and ready for sleep, and lets Dirk manhandle him with soap and shampoo and toothpaste and fluffy towels until they're both warm and clean and dry and flopped together in their bed.

They lie for a while, then Dirk snorts.

"Remember when I used to tease you about the piss drinking in Waterworld? Was all your repudiative flailing just a case of the lady doth protest too much?"

"Oh, come off it! Not all of us have been discerning sexual deviants since the tender age of barely thirteen!" 

"Touché." 

"Which reminds me, I've been meaning to ask..." Jake shifts around until he's eye to eye with his boyfriend. "Is there anything _you'd_ like to try?"


End file.
